


I Wish You Hadn't Left

by Twoz



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, F/F, Historia isn't physically in this fic, Post-Break Up, Ymir's POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-07-11 16:38:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15976256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twoz/pseuds/Twoz
Summary: She enters the room with a single, shuddering breath.She feels incredibly stupid for getting so emotional over this.-Ymir realizes that she lost more than she thought.





	I Wish You Hadn't Left

**Author's Note:**

> *posts another one shot instead of updating any of the three ongoing fics that I have*  
> whoops  
> my bad   
> i swear that all three will be finished. probably.  
> enjoy :D

She enters the room with a single shuddering breath. 

It’s something she’s done a lot recently. For the life of her, she’ll probably never understand why. Why she comes back to this bare room that only brings twangs in her heart, why she has to mentally prep herself every time she’s about to enter. 

It’s just a room after all. 

But deep down, she knows that it’s much more than that. It’s been empty for  _ years _ now, years that she’s been unable to move on, and yet it feels as if it were yesterday when it was finally torn down into the empty space it is today. It’s so much more than a room to her, and she knows that it sounds silly. A quick glance at the bare walls, at the empty rooms, and the unfinished floors confirms to her that it really is just a room. She feels incredibly stupid for getting so emotional over this. 

She takes slow steps, she always has, and finds herself trapped in memories that she’d much rather forget. Or maybe she doesn’t want to forget. Maybe that’s why she keeps coming back to this place. 

Being the landlord of the building had its perks, she had to admit. Besides from essentially controlling her own little “kingdom” as she liked to call it, she basically got to decide who got to live there. There wouldn’t be any annoying neighbors to keep her up at night or suspicious people that would bring the police with them every so often. She had power; with that power, she chose to not rent out the room to anyone. 

She ran her long tan hands on the walls, feeling every bump and nick as she went along. Memories of fights that ended with bottles or books thrown at the wall jumped at her. The more she walked along, the more the memories seemed to yell at her, telling her of arguments that burned her eyes with unshed tears and her throat with the poisonous words that she spat in her anger. She’s long past the stage of wishing that she could take it all back, again noting that it’s been  _ years _ now, but she can’t help but feel guilt every time she remembers. If she ever needed a reminder to the mess that she was,  _ is _ , the walls were there to remind her. 

She ends up at the end of the corridor, staring at a door the shade of the ocean. 

She takes another deep breath. 

And enters. 

The room is as empty as it’s always been, but that’s not a surprise that no one has lived in here for a while. Yet it’d be a lie to say that the room had always been empty. Instead of the blank white walls that stare at her, it used to be a brilliant shade of sky blue. There were pictures upon pictures on the walls, some showing a large group of people while others had a girl with bright blue eyes and blonde hair. She loved those pictures most. 

She loved her most. 

Or maybe she still loves her. She really doesn’t know at this point considering that if they ever met again, they’d both be drastically different people than from they first met. They’re older, more mature, wiser. Not so naive in thinking that it could always be them versus the world. Not so innocent to believe that love could always save them. 

Things weren’t always so bad. She starts to wonder if they were ever bad at all. She had someone who loved her with all their heart even though she wasn’t the most admirable person. Someone that would wait on her, night and day, because they truly wanted to be with her. Someone that was there to nurse her back from her hangovers and sickness, to kiss her good morning and good night, to defend her when she was caught in nasty fights. She was loved, and she had been too blind to see it. Worse yet, she had been too stupid to appreciate it. 

Hot streams of tears run down her face, and she hates to admit it, but she misses her. She hates seeing these blank walls when she knows that they used to be full of color and life. She hates seeing this empty space that reminds her that things are over, that she messed up royally and caused the person she wanted most in her life to leave. She hates being in this god forsaken room that used to be evidence that they were  _ together,  _ that they had made it, that they were in love. She hates how her heart feels as empty as this place. 

Yet she can’t bring herself to leave. 

She chuckles a bit bitterly about how ironic it was. Back then, it felt like she couldn’t ever find a reason to stay. Fight after fight, argument after argument, she left and left until finally, she wasn’t the one leaving. She had always come back, whispering apologies and “I love you”s. She realized too late as she watched blonde hair leave that she had made a mistake. 

She takes slow steps out of the blue door room. She remembers how she used to be so quick in leaving, ignoring the shouts for her to slow down. She remembers how they fought constantly, how she spat out words that she didn’t mean. How she said that she didn’t need her blonde hair or blue eyes in her life, that the room meant nothing to her because it was just a room, and how she’d be just fine without anyone in her life. 

She gets back to the entryway of the place, picturing the night the room died. Blonde hair with blue eyes that threatened tears that walked through the doorway and never look back. 

She looks back, hoping that something will change. 

But it’s still just a room. 

And she’s still just as heartbroken as before.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! (You're as cute as a button :D )
> 
> end note: should I continue this so it has a happy ending? or should i just leave it as the angst it is?


End file.
